My Lola Anecdote #1: Grocery Shopping

I've been having trouble coping up with Lola Tita's passing away. I mean, I think I've been ignoring the fact that she's already gone for more than three months already. I just go about my daily tasks as if she's still in her house watching her nightly telenovelas. And whenever I visit the house, I feel like she's just strolling the halls of Trinoma and SM North. Yup, I'm in deep trouble here.

And since I couldn't write anything at all for the past few months, I figured this might be the one causing my writer's block. I need to face this and start accepting facts.

So a couple of days ago, I went grocery shopping in Landmark Trinoma. Alone. After a very very long time. As soon as I entered the store, I felt a bit nauseous and teary eyed. I missed my lola. A lot. I suddenly remembered all the times I used to shop there.

Once a month or whenever the whim strikes me, I would go grocery shopping after office. I would always call my lola and ask if there's anything she needs. I usually include her chocolate-flavored Ensure in my list so that she does not have to worry about that anymore. I would always buy the biggest can but before doing so, I would do the math as to which size would come out the cheapest. And considering that it's after office, I would buy lots of other snacks (even more if I haven't had dinner yet). And yes, my lola loved those Dole fruits either with gelatin or syrup in tiny little cups. Sometimes she would buy on her own and I would always tell her to stop buying because I wanted to be the one to buy it as it's a bit heavy (it comes in packs of fours).

And when I get home, my lola would always scold me that I bought too much of everything. I bought too much biscuits, too much chips, too much everything. The thing is, I usually buy a lot and then end up forgetting about those snacks so there's a lot of expired food items in the pantry after a couple of months. I know it's wasteful but I always have the intention of eating those snacks whenever I buy them. I just get too busy and tired with work that I usually forget to open the pantry doors to check out what's inside.

And speaking of going home tired after work, my lola always has something hot and delicious waiting for me after a long day. Even if I plan not to eat dinner anymore, just the smell of her cooking would make me bring out the plates and cutlery. And she always always tells me that I'm getting fat. And yet, when there's only a few bites of meat or whatever it is on the table, she insists that I finish it all so we don't have to store it in the ref anymore.

I miss my lola more than anything. I miss her cooking. I miss her sermons and reminders. I miss her OC-ness when it comes to cleanliness. I even miss our arguments. I miss everything about her.

And I hope that by writing about her, I will be healed. And I want to forever remember her and to be able to tell stories about her to my future kids and grandkids.

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Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.
~From the television show The Wonder Years

“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.” 

~ Lois Lowry, The Giver